quickly.

I'm posting a picture a day here: http://plasticrosary.tumblr.com
I'll most likely update that a million times more than this. I really just joined blogger to read your blog... I'll still stop by this blog once in awhile though.

...

I really, really fucked up today.
Well, over the course of the last six or seven months, I've really fucked up, but you never really know the full thrust of your mistakes until you see the reality of the situation, face the consequences, and see all of that hurt on the face of the one person you never, ever, ever wanted to hurt. The one person who would bend over fucking backwards for you -
No more drinking. No more.
I'm going to work so damn hard to rebuild this. He was gracious enough to give me a second chance ("I am just surprised how much I love you") and I'm going to work so hard... so hard.
I've never felt this much pain, ever. This is, so far, the worst pain I've ever experienced.

I wish I could feel just a slight bit better by forcing myself to believe that I'm not a piece of shit, just human. But ... No.